Trumpiana: Caught by a tell-tale long tail; saved by a tall tale!

The Don spurs a red herring chase as Epstein ghost comes to roast the MAGA toast

By Arun Kumar

Donald Trump loves all his titles, from “Daddy” bestowed by the NATO head to those appropriated by himself, specially those ending with ‘chief’ like Dealmaker-in-Chief. But an FBI informant, a snitch? No, nada, nyet, never. That’s pure  mischief!

As POTUS fumed at this betrayal by a trusted ally, a blushing House Speaker Mike Johnson walked back from his explosive suggestion that Trump was working as an FBI informant to take down the deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

Maybe he didn’t use the “right terminology,” Johnson demurred claiming he was only referring to what the victims’ attorney said more than a decade ago.

Amid wild speculation about how the Speaker made the outlandish revelation in the first place, longtime Trump watchers suggested that maybe the spin master himself nudged his ally to tell a tall tale to send the media dogs on a wild goose chase.

READ: Trumpiana: Tughlaq troubles — tariff tiffs to Tianjin troika (September 6, 2025)

Meanwhile, the ghost of Epstein came back to haunt Trump as a Congressional committee released a 200 page 50th birthday book signed by the high and mighty, rich and powerful, from Bill Clinton to entrepreneur Leslie Wexner.

But the media latched onto a sexually suggestive note in a doodle of a naked woman signed “Donald,” below her waist with his typical flourish with a long tail attached to the final “d.”

Even as Trump denied penning what the Late Show host Stephen Colbert dubbed as a “Picasso of pervitude,” the New York Times pushed back with half a dozen samples of his signature of that era highlighting the long tail.

Back in July, Wall Street Journal was the first to reveal the existence of the note including an imagined conversation between Trump and Epstein ending with an insinuating wish that “every day be another wonderful secret.”

For its audacity, Trump had slapped a $10 billion defamation suit against the Journal and its owner, Rupert Murdoch. Now he threatened the Times too with a similar case unless it retracted the story and apologized.

Trumpiana: The great Don and his magnificent Goldberg machine! (August 30, 2025)

But the old lady of New York wouldn’t back down insisting its “journalists reported the facts, provided the visual evidence and printed the president’s denial. It’s all there for the American people to see and to make up their own minds about.”

Yet few were willing to bet on the Epstein epic hurting Trump much citing the “Access Hollywood” tape in 2016, impeachments in 2019 and 2021 and a conviction on felony crimes last year.

Meanwhile, the friendly neighbourhood Supreme Court agreed to quickly weigh the legality of most of Trump’s sweeping tariffs with his team offering, what the Politico called, “The Chicken Little Defence” — “An adverse verdict would be a total disaster for the Country” and “would literally destroy the United States of America.”

Then out of the blue, Trump was “pleased” to announce that India-U.S. trade talks were back on track and he “looked forward to speaking with my very good friend, Prime Minister Modi, in the upcoming weeks.”

Modi was quick to reciprocate that “India and the US are close friends and natural partners” and he too was “looking forward to speaking with President Trump.”

Even as instant analysts were hailing the ‘thaw,’ heralding a quick return to the heady days of “Howdy Modi” and “Namaste Trump,” POTUS asked the European Union to hit China and India with tariffs of up to 100% for buying Russian oil, vowing to “mirror” any tariffs imposed by them.

As Trump mourned the assassination of the “Great, and even Legendary, Charlie Kirk,” the 31-year-old conservative activist who had come to represent the MAGA youth, the Times revealed that back in July even he had pushed for the release of Epstein files.

“But then, after receiving a call from a plainly irritated president, he reversed himself, saying, “I’m done talking about Epstein for the time being.”

The flip-flop created a stir among Kirk’s followers, according to the Times, compelling his spokesperson to clarify “Charlie is not done talking about it. The ball is in the administration’s court to find a solution.”

Trumpiana: Putin POTUS pow wow — who played whom? (August 16, 2025)

Less than 48 hours after Kirk was shot in broad daylight on the campus of Utah Valley University, Trump put the blame squarely on “vicious and horrible” radicals on the left of U.S. politics.

Declining to call for national unity, he told Fox & Friends, “The radicals on the right are radical because they don’t want to see crime … The radicals on the left are the problem – and they are vicious and horrible and politically savvy.”

Meanwhile, frustrated by Russia’s Putin over Russia-Ukraine war – ‘The only war I haven’t solved’ – and ignored by Israel’s Bibi Netanyahu, the great peacemaker turned to making peace at home with a war machine!

After “conquering” Washington with the National Guard, Trump dined at a steakhouse just a block away with his heavy security in tow, to declare “WE HAVE A SAFE CITY” before turning to another blue Democratic-run metropolis — Chicago.

His immigration police ICE launched “Operation Midway Blitz” there to target “criminal illegal aliens” taking advantage of the city and state’s sanctuary policies, with Naval Station Great Lakes in North Chicago serving as an operations hub.

READ: Trumpiana: Who stole my Nobel Peace Prize! (August 2, 2025)

With it came the inevitable meme titled “Chipocalypse Now,” parodying the 1979 film “Apocalypse Now.” Looking like a movie poster, it showed Trump in military uniform in front of the Chicago skyline, replete with helicopters, flames and a plume of smoke.

Over it was an ominous slogan, “‘I love the smell of deportations in the morning…’ — Chicago about to find out why it’s called the Department of WAR,” mimicking a famous quote –  “I love the smell of napalm in the morning” – from Francis Ford Coppola’s masterpiece.

If it was meant to be a joke, hard working immigrants like over 300 South Koreans returning home as ‘prisoners of war,’ were not amused.